Fat Jeans

You know it, you loathe it. That dreaded moment when you reach in the back of your closet to grab the fat jeans you’ve been saving “just in case”. Then a few weeks later you realize that those fat jeans have suddenly become your skinny jeans. “Wait! Did I set the dryer too high?,” I silently convince myself. You’ve been there, right? Tell me I’m not alone in this.

After a holiday filled with inappropriately shoveling food in my mouth as if my goal was to balloon up well beyond my goal weight, it’s time to put down the baked goods and carb overloaded delights and fit comfortably into my closet of stylish clothes again. (No need for fashion commentary here. I like my look… usually. And you’re not Joan Rivers. RIP, girl).

How did I get to this point? It’s something I’ve pondered for weeks. So I grabbed a buttery snack, sat down and, while I went back for a second helping, it dawned on me. I ate my way to fat while giving up exercise like my 2015 resolution was to be unhealthy. When we’re unhappy with something that’s in our control to change, we blame everything around us rather than accepting the changes we need to make. Crazy, right?

Having the same issues? Here’s my advice. Exercise and eat right. Stop complaining and stop “dieting”. They’re stupid and only set you up to blame something else when you cheat your way to another 5 lbs. Again. It’s that simple. I’m no doctor and have no credentials to dole out health advice, but let’s face it, your annual trip to the doctor probably consists of an hour on WebMD, so at least here you’re not diagnosing those extra pounds as imminent death. That’s a win in my book. Oh, and don’t Facebook about your diet. I can’t stand the “oops I cheated on my unrealistic dieting plan that I never intended to stick with anyways, but am trying to convince you all I want to look thinner” posts. Unfollow.

But here’s the best advice I can give you. Don’t wear the fat jeans to begin with. Throw them in the trash now. In fact, do it right now. I’ll wait…

Are they gone? For good? Good.

Those fat jeans become your skinny jeans because you allow yourself — albeit unconsciously — to think you have “room to grow”. And then you do. It’s so simple, so true yet we keep doing it anyway. You must notice that obese people are always wearing those horribly unstylish stretch pants like they just pulled them off of Giselle’s perfectly sculpted body and decided to rock them on the streets. They grow because their pants allow them to. There’s no one, or nothing, holding them accountable. They can grow and grow and grow with each alarming bite. And down here in Nashville, we are growing… and I’m not just referring to the city’s booming economy. Thank you hot chicken and waffles for that.

So ditch the fat jeans. Yes, it’s gonna be uncomfortable for a minute, but it’s the price you pay for the homemade and made-to-order feasts you’ve convinced yourself you deserve three or four times a day. And then when you finally get that top button closed up again, keep working on it. That’s my plan. Who knows, maybe my skinny jeans will one day be the fat jeans collecting dust in the back of the closet. At least until my next holiday binge.